Do not protect yourself from what you want. Go and grab it.

I started questioning: why do we protect ourselves from what we want, and why can’t we allow ourselves to have it? Why do we remain in inaction? Why don’t we act towards our goals and dreams?

Hi, we find each other again through words.

During spring, I came across the famous quote “Protect me from what I want” by Jenny Holzer. Celebrities were wearing it on t-shirts, it was everywhere, and I was confused - I didn’t know why people were saying that. I still don’t.

I thought, “How can this be used so much on Twitter as a religious quote when it has a negative connotation?” “Why would I like to be protected from what I want?” So I went on a tangent and then realized many things that I’m here to share, months later.

When I went on a tangent I did some research on the meaning of the quote, because I was genuinely confused as to why people were like “protect what I want from me,” and it circled back to self-sabotage as one of the possible meanings, and it tied to what I was working on myself at the time.

Self-sabotaging is when you undermine the progress towards something that you either want to do or need to do to achieve a goal.

I researched the concept of self-sabotaging and applied it to the quote.

The conclusion was: sabotaging usually means inaction. Inaction means protecting yourself from what you want. Doing it means sadness, guilt, anger which means repeating self-sabotage.

I started questioning: why do we protect ourselves from what we want, and why can’t we allow ourselves to have it? Why does it have to be hard? Why do we have to be scared? Why do we remain in inaction? Why don’t we act towards our goals and dreams?

“Why do we want to be protected from what we want?” It was ridiculous - and yes, in fact it is ridiculous - but we still do it. I still did it.

Like, I know that achieving dreams and bringing ideas to life is possible. But this knowing used to not be enough for me to act on my ideas and my dreams, in fact it made me feel worse, because I knew I could have it, I just chose not to do it. I used to stay static and then feel guilty for it.

My goals would stay distant, and I wouldn’t do anything to bring them close to me.

I used to not understand why, if I had the knowledge and if I wanted something, I would not do anything to achieve it.

I used to stay static, in inaction for days and maybe even weeks, not moving towards what I wanted to have, because I had this fear of doing it because of the what ifs (even though they are bs). So I would rather spend my hours procrastinating, doing things that did not take me anywhere: watching TV, playing games, cooking, anything but what I had to do, anything but that, anything but moving towards my goals. That is self-sabotaging, that is fear, and that is me protecting myself from what I want.

So protecting ourselves from what we want speaks on self-sabotage, fear of failure, and thinking we are not worthy of it. We want what we want, and we are scared of doing the things that can lead us to what we want, and we are also scared of simply having it, because we think it’s this huge unreachable thing that we want. God forbid we have it, oh no, what a tragedy to have what one wants!

I realized then that we are scared of what we want, irrationally. That fear makes no sense, and that fear only brings us apart from what we want. So the big question is: why not do it? Why not cross the threshold and do it?

I said, “Tomorrow I’m going to do this,” and then I didn’t, and then it made me feel bad. And because it makes me feel bad, my worth lowered in my mind, and I got in a bad mental state, which then made the cycle repeat. Tomorrow.

But what would happen if we did what we had to do? We would have it. But we don’t, because we protect ourselves from what we want, because what we want is an unknown territory.

You’ve never been that kind of successful before, so it is scary. You’ve never put yourself out there like that, so it’s scary. You have never been loved like that, so it is scary, and you can go on and on like that, with any human topic, progress, goal or desire. And though you want it, your brain doesn’t want to go there because it’s different, it’s change, so your brain activates it as a threat and you fear. And that, combined with negative self-talk, can really put us down, and then the cycle repeats. Tomorrow.

Fear. Inaction. Doubting. Self-sabotage. Protection. A natural vicious cycle.

That’s why it’s also important to look at your desires as something normal. That job you want is normal, that person you want to have or be is normal, that activity is normal, that success is normal, that love is normal, that exposure is normal, that expression is normal. If you look at your desires with normality, ordinality, it is no longer special, it no longer happens to only a few, you no longer have to be lucky. It just happens normally, and it’s the new normal, the new you, and you just do it, and you cross the threshold.

Do you understand where I’m coming from and where I’m going to?

The first step is being aware of these patterns, being aware that we are afraid of that great thing that we want so badly. And the second step is to love ourselves, to give ourselves compassion. We are only human; our brain is only threatened because: Ugh! I want something so badly and I have to act to get it, and then I will get it! No! Ugh! Terrible, because then what if it doesn’t happen? (We just said it WILL happen")

Or like: I’m just going to push this thought away and I’m gonna go on my phone, I’m gonna go out with my friends, I’m going to start working on this other less important thing.

Because it’s always what we want the most that we push to the end. Because if we go all for it, and we act towards what we want, then we will get it, and that is terrifying.

That’s why your self-concept matters too.

How worthy you are, how capable you are, how deserving, how strong, how brave, how easy it is for you -if all of that is not in place, it becomes harder.

Step by step. You must allow yourself to get what you want instead of protecting yourself from what you want. The key to everything is improving yourself.

It is very important. We are the ones with the power; we are the ones that have to do it to get to where we want to be. And because we are scared of having it, we are scared to see ourselves having everything that we want, we are scared to be that person that we admire, we are scared to put ourselves out there, we are scared to _insert whatever you are scared of_. Because we are scared that it actually happens. And it will happen, if you don’t protect yourself from what you want.

Because what’s the worst thing that can happen if you go and do what you are supposed to do, if you apply yourself, if you fight for what you want? The only result is that you will get it.

But we are scared of that, because what if we get it, then what?

It’s a scary thought, I know.

How do we break out of it? With love, compassion, forgiveness.

I realized then that in every TV show and in real life, whenever, for example (and these are very extreme examples), Bojack Horseman went to AA and talked about all the ugly things he did, the therapist would say to forgive himself and to tell himself he is worthy. In Breaking Bad, when Jesse goes to a support group, they also always tell him to forgive himself, and give himself grace and compassion.

So the key to breaking out of any cycle you are in, the key to not feel guilty → repeat, is to have compassion for yourself and forgive yourself for, maybe not starting your passion project, maybe not looking for a new job, maybe not putting boundaries, etc. All of this can be applied to any situation; this is not necessarily about goals and dreams, it’s about life.

Once we forgive ourselves, the cycle breaks. And if the cycle starts again, then we must forgive ourselves again, and say “next time,” and continue to do it every time the cycle threatens to continue. Compassion is the key.

There’s no point in fighting anything; you must just offer love and it will lessen the pain and give you courage.

It’s okay, we are humans, but let’s just learn to not protect ourselves from what we want; let’s just have it. Period.

Love you,
Mariana